A Force for Good
On Purpose Woman
April 2019
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On Purpose Woman Publisher/Editor Ginny Robertson Creative Director Kathryn Yarborough Contributing Writers: Carol Burbank Laura DiFranco Sylvia Henderson Andrea Hylen Jewell Machlan Beverly Ramsey Nadia Rivera Ginny Robertson Karen Tasto Chrisa T.S. Kathryn Yarborough Cover Art by Terri St. Cloud
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In This Issue… a guide to what we bring you this month By Ginny Robertson, Publisher
I’m grateful to our writers this month who inspire, guide and encourage you to be the best version of yourself. I’m a recovering good girl. If you need help with that, read Karen Tasto’s article about taking the good girl out of the driver’s seat. Chrisa T.S. shares how her TEDx talk took her from self-judgment to self-acceptance. Using her story of a personal awakening, Andrea Hylen guides you through that process. Jewel Machlan continues her series on ways to remove back tension and in this issue she focuses on work. 12 year olf Nadia Rivera gives her perspective on what to do when you lose a friend. Our cover artist, Terri St. Cloud, share her inspiring story of healing and connecting to her life work. Our environmental expert, Dr. Beverly Ausmus Ramsey, writes about what to do before, during and after a flood. Sylvia Henderson, the Idea Implementation Expert, teaches us how to get our point across. And, if you’re more of an auditory learner, check out her video on the same page. Carol Burbank looks at the issue of how loneliness often comes with leadership. Laura DiFranco gives us tips on how to write things that others will want to devour. In her monthly Manifesting Clients Tip, Kathryn Yarborough suggests that we be grateful for our future clients, and helps us through that process. In my monthly An On Purpose Woman…column, I continue the theme of knowing what is yours to do. And a special THANK YOU to all of our advertisers for making this magazine possible.
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5 In This Issue... Ginny Robertson 8 Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No: Take “Good Girl” Out of the Driver’s Seat Karen Tasto 16 TEDx Confidential: Moving From Self-Judgment to Self-Acceptance Chrisa T. S. 22 The Power of Personal Awakenings Andrea Hylen 28 More Quick Ways to Relieve Back Tension Every Day Jewel Machlan 36 Friendship Advice From a 12-Year-Old Nadia Rivera 42 My Story Terri St. Cloud (our cover artist) 48 April Floods: How to Prepare Beverly Ramsey, PhD 54 Business Directory 58 The Light of Truth Center Ginny Robertson 64 Fifty Shades of Words for Your Ideas: Getting Your Point Across Sylvia Henderson 68 Leading Through Loneliness: Liberating Compassion Carol Burbank 74 Secrets to Writing Words Your Clients Can’t Wait to Read Laura DiFranco 82 Be Grateful for Your Future Clients: Monthly Manifesting Clients Tip Kathryn Yarborough 88 An On Purpose Woman… Knows What Is Hers to Do Part II Ginny Robertson
Thank You to Our Advertisers Andrea Hylen * Brave Healer Productions * Chrisa T.S. * Coach Claudette * Community For Life at Keswick * Earthsave Baltimore * Eclectic–Tala * Inspiration Celebration Spiritual Center * Jewels from Jerri * Julia Mattis Re/Max Advantage * Light of Truth Center * Lisa Diane McCall * Nourishing Journey * Soul-utions Hypnosis * Sue Fitzmaurice * Temple In the Woods
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Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No Take “Good Girl” Out of the Driver’s Seat by Karen Tasto If you tend to say “yes” to any and all events for fear of what others will think or you worry about offending the host, you may have “good girl” driving your life, and you better take her out of the driver’s seat before you burn out. Spring is often a season of increased social engagements; birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, holidays, and other celebrations. Add these on top of your already busy schedule, and it’s going to be instant overwhelm. How do we say no without pissing people off so we can preserve our energy and sanity this time? “Good girl” is what I call a part of us that developed in childhood. This aspect of ourselves may have served us well at one time; receiving attention or sense of belonging. But as an adult still acting from “good girl” can leave us feeling stifled and constricted, even halting growth into a fully self-actualized, authentic woman. You know “good girl” is in the driver’s seat of your life if… · You’re so invested in pleasing others that you put others’ values and needs above your own. · You hold back from speaking your truth for fear of offending others. · You’re accommodating to the point of depleting yourself. · You stick to all the “supposed to’s” running through your head. · Goddess forbid you rock the boat! · You’ve got the perfection disease, and fear messing anything up. · You tiptoe around others’ offenses, criticisms or poor conduct. · You stay in your box, playing it safe and following rules others have created. Sound familiar? How you really know “good girl” is driving you around is by how it feels in your body and the emotions that arise. From an early age, I took on the role of “good girl” as a middle child in a large Catholic family. I quickly learned that when I was “good,” very helpfully defined by my well-meaning parents and society, I received the attention I was desperate for. I worked the “good girl” to a tee, even carrying it with me into adulthood as “good wife” and “good mother.” I began to wake up to bitter resentment at a certain point in my marriage and felt what I was carrying around with me; like a heavy stack of hot coals burning on top of my shoulders. I was so busy making sure everybody else was happy and getting what they needed, that I lost touch with what I needed and desired. As a result of the people pleasing, care-taking, and feeling responsible for how others were feeling, the resentment built up over the years without me even realizing. It took a professional to help me see clearly so I could feel my body and the messages it was giving me. Once I tuned into the feelings (physical and emotional), I could turn things around on myself to ask, “What do I need here at this moment?” This emotion and feeling in my body are a key indicator for when I’m falling back into old “good girl’ ways. Step one to getting “good girl” out of the driver’s seat is to know what she feels like in the body. Acting from “good girl” often feels heavy, tight, tense, constricting. It will be unique for you, and you may already know how it feels, or it may take some curiosity and observation. However, booting “good girl” out doesn’t mean we have to act like an ass. It means turning instead towards our own heart. We’re taking the focus off of others and onto ourselves. Once we feel into our heart, we can better discern what is ours to do without the baggage of what others will think. Then we’re acting from our more genuine, authentic self which better serves everybody involved. Acting from the more opposite of “good girl” is what I call “goodness of the heart.” You can call it whatever feels right to you. The important thing is to recognize what this feels like compared to “good girl.” Usually, it feels more expansive, open, calm, bubbly, light, and free. Tune into what “acting from the goodness of the heart” might feel like to you. Get to know what your emotions and sensations are between the two and use those feelings as your scale when you ask yourself, “Does saying yes to attending this function feel like it’s coming from “good girl” or from “the goodness of my heart?” Play with this. Stay curious. Notice emotions and feelings once you are actually at the event if that’s what you chose. Any feelings of resentment or anger? Let this learning help you decide on future events. This learning might even spill over into all your decision-making such as when to share a truth or more intense-feeling decisions like whether to break up a relationship. Steps for Deciding Whether to Accept or Decline Your Next Invitation 1. Put your options up in front of you 2. Take some deep belly breaths and center yourself 3. Check-in with your bodily sensations and emotions when you consider each option 4. Ask: Am I projecting how others will feel with either option? Am I making a decision based on how it will look? 5. Ask: Which option would be coming from “good girl” and which from the goodness of your heart? 6. Decide and stick to it. 7. Observe how you feel on the day of the event for learning and insight. 8. Let go of the outcome and any FOMO (Fear of missing out). 9. Enjoy yourself wherever you end up that day. The bottom line here is paying attention to and honoring your feelings. The next time you say yes to attending an event, let your heart decide, and watch how everything flows for the benefit of all involved because you chose to pay attention to your health, wellness and joy…for once.
Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No Take “Good Girl” Out of the Driver’s Seat by Karen Tast
Act from the goodness of the heart.
Karen Tasto helps you shift from the stifled “good girl” to powerful goddess. Her sacred circle program begins April 24 at Nourishing Journey in Columbia MD. www.karentasto.com, karen@karentasto.com
TEDx Confidential: Moving from Self-Judgment to Self-Acceptance By Chrisa T.S.
I will let you in on a secret: I almost convinced myself to say no to giving a TEDx talk. This was something I’d been dreaming about for more than two years before I got the chance to speak on the TEDx Drapanos Women stage. It was true. I was afraid. But, not of the public speaking. That made me super excited. I mean, sure, I had the normal butterflies and concerns about speaking. That I’d get on stage and start coughing or forget my lines or have to pee or that there would be a piece of kale stuck between my teeth and no one would tell me. But I prepared thoroughly for this talk, and I left nothing to chance. I practiced and practiced every day for two weeks. I even practiced while doing push-ups and air squats. Plus, I skipped kale that week! So, none of those things scared me enough to take a pass on the experience. You know what did? The fact that I would look fat on stage. Yep, that’s right. The fact is that I’d been here before. When I published my book “The Secret Life of a Food Addict,” it required me to put my struggle with emotional eating in a book for thousands of readers to see. In doing so, I thought I’d gotten over the hump of reliving my deepest thoughts about my body and food. And, I had. But my inner critic had other plans for me. So, here I was again: my thoughts about my body getting in the way. I went into panic mode to lose the extra weight and avoid looking overweight on a TEDx stage and on a YouTube video in perpetuity. I went on a strict diet with no carbs which made me cranky and stressed. I also hired a personal trainer who said he would help me reach my unreachable goal, and almost injured myself in the workouts. To top that off, I felt lonely. Mind you, I was in my home town, where all my family and friends are. And instead of enjoying yummy Mediterranean meals with them by the sea, I chose to stay home and away from temptations. When I realized that the weight loss wasn’t happening, I started looking for other solutions. I’d find the perfect dress that would magically shed the extra weight. So, I went out and bought two extra dresses and asked my mastermind community for feedback. And to my horror, they chose the outfit in which I didn’t look good without sucking my belly, which made me unable to breathe comfortably. And you want to breathe during a TEDx talk, right? The dress I felt comfortable in received disappointing reviews, so I decided against it. That left me with no choice but to wear an outfit that I’d worn many times in business meetings. It was old, but it made me feel safe. I also decided that while my body issues might not be fully resolved, what if I could make the conscious, mindful choice of accepting what is and move on? I decided to give this a try. The thing is that once I made the conscious choice to accept what is, once I accepted my body as it is, once I accepted myself as I am, that brought me peace. The result? I focused my energy on sharing my message and giving the talk of a lifetime. I enjoyed three-hour meals by the sea along with heartwarming conversations with friends. I walked barefoot in the sand and stared at the sunset until the sun was gone. I relaxed and mindfully enjoyed the moment....every single moment. And maybe that is how life should be: a series of conscious, mindful choices of accepting and choosing our next step, one step at a time. So next time you feel self-conscious about your body, or your inner critic talks you down, remember to breathe, accept what is and move into your next conscious choice of action. Watch Chrisa’s TEDx talk here to get a huge dose of inspiration and mega amounts of confidence:
Chrisa T.S is a hypnotherapist who loves to guide and witness your transformation. Join her at https://mailchi.mp/9c8cf378223d/goal-getter-mindset-method and find your true purpose in life. Find her at her free Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/highachieversinnercircle/.
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The Power of Personal Awakenings By Andrea Hylen
There were two pivotal moments of “personal awakening” between December 1985 and December 1986 that changed the direction of my life. The first awakening began late one night, sitting in the kitchen cross stitching Christmas ornaments to be given as presents. Existing on only three to four hours of sleep each night, I had a moment of paralysis. My legs and feet were frozen in place. I couldn’t move. I cried out for my husband to help me. With his assistance, I was slowly able to stand up and shuffle into the bedroom. Crying myself to sleep. I repeated silently, “Tomorrow is Al-Anon. Tomorrow is Al-Anon.” Pushing myself to be the perfect mother, wife, employee, including making handmade ornaments, had driven me to the verge of a nervous breakdown. I was working 40 hours as a research assistant at the University of Maryland. Waking up at 5 am to breastfeed my 6-month-old daughter, Elizabeth, before getting my 2-year-old daughter, Mary, dressed and ready for daycare. Also, Elizabeth was still not sleeping through the night. My husband didn’t “help” me, and it became easier just to do it all myself. I had night duty and day duty and a full-time job and an expectation I had placed on myself to do it all. The moment of paralysis, the Al-Anon meeting, all helped me to wake up and look at my life. The second “awakening” was at Christmas time the next year. It was during an argument with my husband and glancing to see a look in my youngest daughter’s eyes. When I heard a voice in my head say, “This is not the role model I came to be for my children,” I was sparked into awakening. I knew something had to change and I knew it had to be me. I knew there were problems in our marriage, and I had tried to “fix” them. I converted to Catholicism so my husband would go to church. I went to Al-Anon and expected my husband to go to AA. I read books like, “The Dance of Anger,” and “The Dance of Intimacy,” and tried to engage my husband in conversation. I went to therapy and did Family Constellation work. But, with every “personal growth” step, I tried to make him change. After one more year of co-dependency, I finally made the decision that I would leave the marriage and focus on healing myself. Awakenings When I think of other times in my life when I felt an “awakening,” there was a moment that felt like a light bulb being switched on. I describe it as an inner knowing that was sparked from within and a voice inside of me gives me a message that shifts my perspective. I am called into change. The spark might have been an answer to a long awaited question or a feeling like thunder clapping. The feelings range from fear to shock to relief. It might be connected to a relationship, a job, a move, or a hidden desire. When the light of awareness is turned on, there is no going back. You have been awakened to something, and in that moment, everything changes. You cannot unsee it or unknow it. It is a moment when you wake up to a new awareness, and you know you have to make different choices. It may feel like life or death. You may need to cry and grieve. You see your life with a new perspective. It sets something new in motion. It requires action, and the complete change may take years to unfold into the new, but it starts with, there was a moment when... This is where you have a choice. You can acknowledge it, or you can do things to try to deny it. You can’t unsee it, but you can pour all of your energy into the denial if you choose. Get super busy. Use an addiction like eating, drinking, sex, exercise, work, anything that becomes an obsession that fills up all empty space where you may feel the thing that you just saw. Or you can choose change. You can let the awakening guide you to something new. Let the Awakening Guide You Acknowledge. Begin with an acknowledgment of the awakening. Support. A women’s circle, a class, a therapist, a support group, or a friend. Get support from people who can support you without judgment. Take baby steps. What’s the next step? That is all you need to know right now. Self-care. Nurture yourself with silence, pampering, nutrition, rest, and simple pleasures. Personal awakenings will guide you to a better life. They begin as disruptors. There is chaos. The life you are here to create is waiting for you, and it requires change. Surrender. Follow the steps above and open to the magic on the other side. Questions to Explore 1. Was there a moment in your life when you saw an injustice that other people did not see, and you had to stand up and speak even though you knew someone would be upset with you? Would you do it again? 2. Think of a moment when you heard about a book or a film that opened your eyes to something. What was the topic? How did reading the book or watching the film change your life? 3. Was there a moment when you noticed something, about a person, and you knew you had to make a choice to get closer or farther away from them? Next month, I will share some ideas on Intuition: how to cultivate it, listen to it, use discernment on when to sit still and when to take inspired action.
Andrea Hylen: Author of Heal My Voice: An Evolutionary Woman’s Journey. Creator of The Writing Incubator, online writing community. www.andreahylen.com
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More Quick Ways to Relieve Back Tension Every Day By Jewell Machlan
Many of us spend hours every day sitting in front of a computer, either for work or play. And since the way you sit has a huge influence on how you stand, move and feel, it's important that you do everything you can to create a workspace that works for your body. Look out for your legs. Long periods of sitting can result in restricted circulation in the legs (with problems ranging from swollen ankles and varicose veins to blood clots). Sit so that your thighs are parallel to the floor or slightly inclined down (with your hips no higher than two inches above your knees) and your lower legs are perpendicular to the floor. Your feet should be flat on the floor. The chair seat should be level, not slanted to the front or back. Be careful that the front edge of your seat does not limit the blood supply to your legs . TIP: You can always use a little foot platform – or a box or old dictionary – to lift your feet and legs if your chair is too high. Perfect pelvis. Poor sitting posture tightens back and hip muscles and weakens abs and glutes. This affects balance, stability, and stride. Don't rock your pelvis forward into an anterior tilt or backwards into a sway back. Sit firmly on your sitz bones (the bony protuberances on the bottom of your pelvis) and balance the weight of your torso evenly on these two bones. Better back. Extended periods of sitting can result in disk degeneration and permanent damage – ouch! Keep your back straight and your buttocks pressed into the back of the chair. Your chair should support your lower back and possibly your mid-back – don't expect it to support your upper back! Your upper back should be straight, balanced on your pelvis, with your shoulders relaxed and back. When you bend forward, keep your back straight and bend from the hip. Maintaining this position is easy once you get the hang of it – with your pelvis supporting the weight of your back, arms and head. TIP: If your chair does not have good lower back support, add a small, firm pillow or backrest. Appropriate support can significantly reduce back pain and fatigue. Adjust your arms. Lifting your arms up overworks your shoulders and can cause upper back and neck pain. Your arms should hang loosely from your shoulders, with your elbows close to your sides and your forearms parallel to the floor and level with your wrists. Don't use your whole arm from the shoulder to move the mouse – this can lead to "mouse syndrome" and other injuries. Your shoulder is not meant to do precise movements, but wide ones. TIP: Be sure your chair has adjustable arm rests so you can move them out of your way (or remove them) if they restrict your arm movements . Watch out for your wrists. You want to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome. Ideally, when you type, your forearms and the back of your hands should be in almost a straight line from your elbow, just as it is when your arm is hanging at your side. Many keyboards have wrist supports designed to help keep your wrists in a neutral, nearly straight position. But wrist pads are there just for brief rests. Alternate between resting your wrists and lifting them up. TIP: Sit close to your desk. It should be about two inches from your stomach. And be sure your keyboard is at a height that allows your elbows to bend at 90 degrees. Help out your hands. Improper use of your mouse can cause repetitive stress injury, repetitive motion disorder, and cumulative trauma, not to mention carpal tunnel syndrome. Be sure your "mouse hand" is relaxed over the mouse with all your fingers extended (not bent under your hand). TIP: A trackball can also help prevent overuse injuries since you can use your thumb, fingers or palm. I love mine! No nonsense neck. Keep your neck straight above the rest of your spine. This usually means you need to pull your head back. Don't stretch your neck forward. If you can't see the screen clearly, move it closer – or get new glasses. It's cheaper than the price of a new neck. TIP: A document holder can help you avoid awkward and repeated neck movement. Use your eyes, not your neck, whenever possible. Heads up. Do not tilt your head up or down to see the screen – keep your chin level. Raise or lower your screen so you can look straight at it. Or raise or lower your chair. TIP: If you regularly work on a stationary laptop, consider purchasing a separate keyboard and mouse for your best posture. This will enable you to adjust the height of the screen and the placement of the keyboard independently of each other. Phone precautions. Cradling the telephone between your neck and shoulder causes severe muscle tension and can lead to chronic pain in the head, neck and shoulders. So if you use the phone regularly or for extended periods of time, do yourself a favor and buy a headset, a Bluetooth, or another hands-free option. Tip: Try different arrangements of keyboard, screen, mouse and documents to find the system that suits your body best. And be sure to have enough light on your documents. Next month: "More ways to relieve back tension -Don't Wreck your Neck" about phone and tablet use.
Jewell Machlan's goal is for everyone to enjoy their bodies! She focuses on helping her clients experience freedom of movement and relief from chronic pain or stiffness through the Rolf method. She is a licensed and nationally certified massage therapist with over 1000 hours of training in her specialty and sees clients in Gaithersburg. jewell@atlength.org www.atlength.org 240-246-7747
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Losing A Friend Advice from a 12-year-old by Nadia Rivera
Note from Ginny Robertson: I met Dali Rivera a few years ago when she came to a local On Purpose Woman Community meeting. She has since moved to California, but I stay connected through her blog. She recently featured the following by her daughter, Nadia. I am impressed with Nadia’s 12 year old perspective so am sharing with all you. Losing a friend can happen in different ways. You can grow apart, or they can switch up on you. There is a difference between the two, and it is important to know what that difference is. To grow apart means to drift away – maybe you don’t feel comfortable with them anymore, maybe your interests have changed or maybe you found new friends. That means it wasn’t necessarily caused by anything; it was simply a natural drift apart. To switch up on someone is usually caused by drama. By drama, I mean that maybe they were talking about you behind your back, they ditched you for new friends or they kept on lying to you. When you first “break up” with your friend, a lot must be going through your mind – Why did this happen? Did I do anything? The first thing you need to recognize is if this was a natural end to the relationship, or if they switched up on you. If it was natural, the most I can say to do is to move on and realize that this was not your fault. If it was a switch up, it could be them, you or both. To figure that out, you need to assess what actions were taken before, during and after the break-up. You have to each own where you went wrong or right. It takes one bad action to put you in the wrong. Once you have realized that, you need to do one of two things – either apologize for your wrong actions if you committed any or stay the heck away from the person who wronged you. I suggest that either way, you take a day for yourself to just relax and think. Maybe you meditate, maybe you read a book, or maybe you watch your favorite movie. The last and final step to this is to associate yourself with good people. Whether that person was your best friend, your only friend, or one of many friends, involve yourself with others and their activities. If that person was in your “clique” (if you have one) and still is, then simply be cordial, but do not talk to them out of obligation to make small talk. Believe me; it’ll be hard. I know because I am dealing with something like that right now. Anyway, when in a group conversation, there will be times when you really won’t be able not to say anything to the ex-friend. If they have left your “clique,” then you are set. If that was your only friend, then find new ones! For some people, being social may be hard as some might be introverts. If not, finding new friends might be easier for you. But that’s a completely different topic that would be three times as long as this one. BUT the best advice I can give to you is to just go for it! No one is going to think you’re crazy for saying “hi” to someone as you try to make new friends.
Nadia Rivera is 12.6 years young and she lives with her 11 -year old sister and best friend, her parents and her loving Shitzu in Southern California. She plans on doing many things as an adult; an author, a singer, an actress, and a lawyer. She’s currently in the 7th grade and is very involved in STEM, acting and writing short stories. Her favorite subject is math, so she also tutors her peers after school. Fun fact about Nadia: she’s a natural born leader. She self-nominated to become class president in first grade and won. In 6th grade she created an anti-bullying club and she’s been an honor roll student since she began school. Nadia’s dream is to attend Harvard University right after high school.
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Ginny Robertson writes: I was introduced to Terri St. Cloud a number of years ago when a friend invited me to join them for dinner. What I most remember is liking her right away and by the time dinner was over I felt I had known her forever. Terri writes words I wish I had written and creates the perfect image to go with those words. Check out her website if you are looking for the card or print that says just what you want to say or may be just what you need to hear. www.bonesigharts.com. Be sure to read her inspiring raw story on the next page and don’t miss her poem on page 46.
Cover Artist Terri St. Cloud
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Growing up believing that good always won, that the goal was the white picket fence, and that love was easy, it took some life changes, losses and darkness to birth new beliefs. And so the darkness came, shattered my world and knocked me down flat. And when I stood up again, I was facing a new direction and finding a new life as I traveled. I am so deeply grateful to those shatterings. For without those, I would not have had room for this journey I’m on now. The bone sighs reflect that journey. If you look close, you’ll see a woman figuring out that holding on to herself and her value changes everything. You’ll see the understanding that to gain strength, one must let go of things that take away from who you are. You’ll see a woman learning how to see herself and how to offer herself. You’ll see a woman waking up. I’m in my fifties, looking at the end of motherhood and the beginning of truly sitting with myself without distractions. I have days where I’m filled with joy and confidence and laughter, and I have days where self doubt takes over and I get filled with fear. And sometimes, every now and then, I know with every part of me that I’m living a life of love and that offering who I am is exactly what I want to be doing. Bone sigh arts has been a vehicle for my self knowing from the very start and continues to open me over and over again. I want to travel my inner landscape and learn how to trust in myself so deeply that I learn how to truly be love. The following is a bio I wrote when bone sighs was first beginning. It remembers an important story. It’s unedited, rambling and just as the words tumbled out. I have a friend who pointed out that stories are what thread us all together. Perhaps my story can help someone on their journey of healing. i had just come back from a particularly rough nite of marriage counseling. my normal routine was to come home totally worn out and feeling horrible. i would veg out and wait for the nite to end. on this particular nite tho, i didn’t want to just veg out. i wanted to do something for someone else. reach outside of myself. so i sat down and made a gift for a woman in my woman’s group. she was at a crossroads in her life and i wanted to show support. i thought i would try a little art piece for her new home. we had similar issues we were dealing with, and i felt a connection to her. i wrote her a poem about a woman figuring out she matters. i thought that i was writing the poem about her, but when i sat back and read it, i knew it was definitely about me. i painted a watercolor candle to go along with it and matted it for her. i brought the quote in to my counselor the next week. she read it and cried. and she looked at me and said “terri, you have got to keep writing.” and i nodded. i knew i did too. and so began my journey into bone sigh arts. at the time, my marriage was falling apart. anyone who’s been down this road can tell you…..it’s one of the most difficult things you’ll ever go thru. when the pain would get to be too much for me, i would write it out. i would just feel my feelings, try to visualize what they felt like, and then write that visual out. i used the pronoun “she” all the time. i now realize that it was just too hard for me to hold with the pronoun “i” and that i needed to do that to be gentle with myself. i wrote and did watercolors to go with the words. and i walked an awful lot. i walked and thought and cried and talked to the universe. i asked over and over to be shown what i should do. and somehow i felt guided into doing the bone sighs. i honestly feel they are a gift from the universe. and i want to honor them that way. so, i made a promise to myself and the universe…that i would listen to my heart in all actions related to the bone sighs. little did i know that that would teach me to listen to my heart in all other areas of my life too. even the name, “bone sigh arts” was a gift. since i felt that the work was beyond me in some way, i decided to ask for a name. to put it out to the universe. i meditated on a name. asked for it. and i received “bone sigh arts.” this is my favorite, favorite part of the whole story: when i got up from the meditation, i was not impressed at all with this name choice! i got up, looked up towards the sky and said “uh. is that the best you could do?!” i laugh so much over that moment now. because now i know there couldn’t be a more perfect name for my art. they are sighs from my depths, sighs from my very bones. i had no idea. and the beauty of that is that i listened! i need to remind myself of that over and over again! listen! i matted up pieces and took packs door to door to stores and asked if they’d be interested in selling them. i’m shy. people don’t realize it when they meet me because i can chat and be friendly, but i am really really shy. to take these door to door was tremendously difficult. people tell me i had courage, i tell them i had desperation. desperation will move mountains. and it did. i will never know if people were reacting to a person in a very difficult time, or if the universe was moving boulders for me, or what…but the encouragement and support that i received as i traveled around was absolutely astounding. people were kind, and helpful, suggestions offered at every turn. and so i traveled. and here i am. i call myself an artist now. and i actually believe it! i can remember denying that and saying i wasn’t an artist, wasn’t a writer. and now i can say i am both. i don’t know where this journey will lead, but for now, it’s allowing me to be home with my sons and to follow my heart. and that is such a gift.
by Terri St. Cloud (our cover artist)
My Story
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Whether you believe humans are causing rapid climate change or not, the climate globally and locally is changing. Locally, the weather almost everywhere has become chaotic. In regions with much precipitation, more precipitation seems to be arriving but not as predictably, and the precipitation often comes in bursts or downpours. Chronically arid areas may become more drought stressed or may experience cascading disasters like wildfire followed by flood. The rise in sea level is worldwide and is already affecting families, communities, and installations (both defense and civilian). Where to live: Check out the NOAA weather projections for your local area. These include the relative sea level if the temperature continues to increase. In terms of deadliest weather hazards, floods are second only to heat waves, averaging 81deaths/year (National Weather Service, 30-year average, ending in 2010). The deadliest flood risk is from flash floods. We tend to think that flash floods occur in canyons or following wildfires. However, flash floods are as likely in urban areas as in rural. You must remain aware of the water, the speed, and the accompanying debris and waterborne hazards. How to gain information: Ask the local Red Cross if the area where you are looking to buy or rent is prone to flooding. Make sure the FEMA and insurance maps you are using are up to date. If you are visiting somewhere, assure you are looking at the local weather alerts and warnings. Looking at national forecasts will not be detailed enough to guide your actions. FEMA National Integration Center has published a draft update to its “Planning Considerations: Evacuation and Shelter-In-Place” How to decide what to do if flooding has started: If the flooding is moving slowly, rising and overflowing a river, for example, you may have time to protect your home by sandbagging, and moving furniture and valuables to upper floors. If there are flash flood warnings, you need to prepare to escape. Heed recommendations from local disaster officials on when to leave and when it is safe to return. While you may believe you are invincible, you’re not. Also, assistance may not be available later. How to escape and return: Plan where you will meet family members outside the flood area. Keep important papers in bank safe-deposit boxes. The less you need to move, the lower your risk. Do not dawdle. Know the safest route and use it whether on foot or in your vehicle. Assure you have glasses, medications, wallet, cell phone, and a bottle of water. You may want to stock a “go bag” with these items. Do not venture into water on roads unless it is minimal and not moving rapidly. It is easy to misjudge and increase your risk. If you are on foot, take or find a walking stick so you can watch for low places. Take your time and head for higher ground as safely as you can. If you are in a vehicle in rising water, get out and head to high ground if you can. If not, keep calm, roll down the window and climb out. Then head for higher ground. Do not play in flood waters. Depending on what has flooded, these waters can be highly contaminated. The risk of water contamination increases as the flooding continues and installations such as water treatment works, feedlots, or industrial production areas fail. When you return, the damage to your house can affect your health. Do not ignore water that has seeped into wallboard, and the molds that can follow. How to shelter-in-place: Most of us would rather shelter in our homes than to leave. Create water barriers using things like sandbags. But, make sure it is safe to stay. I recommend you move valuables off-site or to higher floors. Make sure you have enough bottled water and nutritious food that won’t need to be heated or kept cool. for several days for everyone in the house. Indeed, you must plan for significant and persistent power outages. While floods may still seem rare, they can threaten your life and that of your family. In my opinion, it is worth having a plan and continually reassessing the weather conditions and your strategy. The fewer on-site valuables, the better. The more prepared with a ‘go bag’ and food and water, the better. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) offers many tools, but some of these (such as flood zones) have not been updated to show the increasing risks of floods.
Flooding What to Do Before, During and After By Beverly Ausmus Ramsey, PhD Ecology
Beverly Ramsey, PhD, recently retired from 50 years of scientific research. She remains a professor in Environmental Sciences at APUS. She is sharing with us what she has learned from her traditional Native American rearing and her scientific research. DrBeverlyARamsey@gmail.com or bramsey@eclectic-tala.org
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Vaile Leonard, the Founder of The Light of Truth Center
Shining a Light in Baltimore for 20 Years… The Light of Truth Center By Ginny Robertson
It was one of those “chance” meetings. My husband Don and I were visiting a local spiritual center. This person immediately welcomed us with a big smile and an even bigger hug. The second “chance” meeting was a short time later. I was doing a talk at a local tech company. This person walked in, and we looked at each other, both thinking, “where do I know you from?” We figured out it was from the spiritual center. That’s how Rev. Vaile Leonard, the Founder of The Light of Truth Center (LTC), showed up in my life 16 years ago. I learned about LTC and their mission to support women in recovering from addiction to drugs and alcohol, and it wasn’t long before I was a board member. I served two terms as board president and in January of this year stepped up to, again, run the board. One of the things Vaile said to me early on is “we love the women so they can learn to love themselves.” I was hooked. Over the past 16 years, there is one thing that has not changed: Vaile Leonard’s commitment to the women and the work of LTC. It is that commitment and Vaile’s ability to attract committed people that's taken LTC from an organization with one recovery home to a multi-certified, behavioral health system with four recovery homes and a training center. Vaile’s Story Vaile is open about her path and what inspired her to do this work. She said that trying to get clean was challenging and staying clean even more so. An addictions counselor told her that she didn’t have what it took to recover. She wouldn’t accept that and parked herself in the Employee Assistance Resources office of her employer and said she wasn’t leaving until they found her some help. They did…and she has been in the recovery process for over 25 years. Early in her recovery, and deeply committed to Sponsorship within the 12 Step Program of NA, Vaile received a call from one of her sponsees requesting help. Vaile went to the recovery house where her sponsee was living and was shocked by the poor living conditions. She was dismayed and saddened to think that women in recovery were living in squalor-like conditions; the same conditions some of them came from when actively using. She knew they deserved better. MasterMinding She was determined to provide a safe, clean, supportive environment conducive to recovery for women seeking a new life. She shared her idea with her partner, her pastor and two other friends. As with all ideas they need to be believed in, nourished, and kept alive. She was learning Spiritual Principles at her church and in the 12 Step Program. What a perfect opportunity to incorporate these principles into her daily life! The women decided to come together and meet weekly to dream and vision. They did this for a year. Taking Action During the “dreaming and visioning” time Vaile, was also “moving into action” by learning how to form a non-profit and doing what was needed legally to become a 501(c)3 charitable organization. She was taught to “act as if” so that when the time is ready, all things would be in place. The Dream Realized In 1999, The Light of Truth Center was certified as a 501(c)3 nonprofit charitable organization. A favorite uncle passed and left her his row home located in the North-Penn section of West Baltimore. In 2000, LTC had its first client; a woman in recovery seeking safe, clean, and supportive housing. In 2010, LTC acquired and renovated a 4032 square foot building through a partnership with Neighborhood Housing Services. The building now stands as an example of what is possible through collaboration, partnerships, perseverance, commitment, and determination. The Jefferson Jones Center opened in 2011 and provides permanent supportive housing for women in sustained recovery. Through that same partnership with Neighborhood Housing Services, another building was acquired and is a training center. Continued Growth The Light of Truth Center has diligently and methodically grown the organization from an idea, to a concept, to a full-service Behavioral Health organization. Two additional recovery homes have been renovated, and residents will be moving in soon. Multiple certifications have made it possible to create multiple income streams for self-sustainability. What LTC has accomplished with a mostly-volunteer staff is astounding to those who know what it takes to pull off this level of excellence. It operates on a lean budget, and every dollar received is put to good use providing high-quality care for the women. I am so very proud to have my name associated with The Light of Truth Center, and the bonus is my deep friendship with Vaile Leonard. The Clothing Sale One way that Don and I have supported LTC over the past nine years is through the Annual Clothing Boutique Sale. We turn our home into a store and sell the gently used/new women’s clothing and accessories donated throughout the year. How You Can Help With the Sale The sale starts on May 3rd. Check out the ad on page 63. Share the info with everyone you know. Donate items. Shop the Sale. Volunteer. Check out the Facebook event for the details: click here. Get in touch with me at ginnypresleyrobertson@gmail.com or 443-934-3523 if you have things to donate or want to help with the sale. You can also get in touch with me if you want to know how you might support the Light of Truth Center. We are always looking for committed volunteers. Be sure to listen to Vaile Leonard talk about LTC on the short video filmed at the 10th Anniversary Fundraiser with Iyanla Vanzant on page 59. If you don't live in or near Baltimore, but would like to support this wonderful organization, they welcome financial donations as well. To donate, go to http://www.lightoftruthcenter.org/
The Jefferson Jones Center
The Clothing Sale
Getting Your Point Across By Sylvia Henderson
Fifty Shades of Words for Your Ideas
Did you know that the words you use to communicate your idea can make the difference between your idea being accepted or rejected by the person you’re talking to? I’ve noted this repeatedly in previous articles. This message is so important that I am giving you another example for using the “right words” for what you want to convey about your idea. Word! That one word said with emphasis the way I just said it, conveys an entire message. According to UrbanDictionary.com, when someone says, “Word!” they’re communicating that they understand what you are saying and they verify that your statement is true. They may also simply be greeting you in a friendly manner. I love words. We use different words to convey the same idea, differently, when we communicate UP to those in positions above us on the corporate organizational chart; DOWN to those who report to us when we hold leadership positions; and ACROSS to our peers and colleagues. If you struggle to find the right words to convey both the content and context of your messages, consult one of my best friends, the Thesaurus. You’ll find Thesauruses – say that fast three times – online, in apps for your mobile devices, and on the library bookshelf. Here’s a fun challenge. Identify how many ways the sports section of the news conveys the concept of winning and losing. I’ve identified at least 34 different words, and I continue to find new words. Some of them include trounce; dominate; destroy; celebrate; overcome; sweep; and triumph. Consider that each word’s content represents win or lose. How does each one make you FEEL? Does one convey winning by one point whereas another conveys winning by a 20-point differential? That’s the CONTEXT added to the content. In this same vein, look at the words you use when you communicate your ideas. Consider whether the ones you choose convey both the content and context that you intend. Word! One can make all the difference for hearing “yes” to your idea. BONUS: Watch the video message for “Getting Your Point Across.”
Sylvia Henderson is known as the Idea Implementation Expert. She is the creator of Idea MindTeam™ group programs for entrepreneurs and organizations to move ideas to action. Connect with her at www.SylviaHenderson.com and stay up-to-date with her tips and guidance to move your ideas to income…and to impact the world.
So, you’re the boss, or the coach, or the teacher now! Welcome to a position that will help you make a difference, open up new possibilities, and rewards years of hard work and skill building. Welcome to a new relationship to your team and clients, and potentially, a sudden loneliness, as you adapt to your changed role. It’s time to practice self-compassion. Moving up often means you’ve shifted from insider to outsider, from partner to ruler. Innovation, creativity, risk – it’s yours for the making. But with exhilaration and discovery comes responsibility, a changed role, and a new identity. That means facing a new relationship with your idea of yourself, not just your new followers. Choose your tools with understanding and gentleness, tapping into your spiritual toolkit as well as your professional one. Identify other leaders who can mentor you. Reach out to family and community members to ease your feeling of isolation. Reach within to remember your connection with that power higher than any human leader, the divine that guides our vision and steps. Of all the loneliness in the world, the loneliness of the leader is probably the most unexpected. Some of the causes are the myths we live as leaders; others are simply part of the territory, whether you’re a new boss, service entrepreneur, or new parent. Are you stuck in the archetype of the heroic leader, hoping your sacrifices offer more delight than despair, or do you feel caught in organizational structures and beliefs about who you need to be that distances you from your clients, staff, and colleagues? Once you identify your story, you can work your way through any challenge, including feeling alone. Be sure not to blame yourself as you adapt! When we get what we want, it’s natural to hope for roses without thorns. Loneliness is one of the leader’s thorns. But it is not deadly or even hard to manage. It’s just a natural side of effect of change and opportunity. Practicing self-compassion helps us acknowledge the challenges and beauty of following our calling in the world, and teaches us to be patient with others as well.
Liberating Self-Compassion By Carol Burbank, Ph.D
“Leadership and loneliness go hand-in-hand…. You're no longer one of the gang. You're one of them.” Mandy Gilbert, Inc., April 2017
Leading Through Loneliness
Carol Burbank is a writing/life coach and leadership specialist, founder of Storyweaving Coaching and Consulting and the Storyweaving Retreat Center. www.storyweaving.com This article appeared in Science of Mind Magazine, and has been reprinted with their permission. https://scienceofmind.com/
If you want to write stuff others will devour then make sure you feel something before you sit down to write. Feeling bored, disinterested, doubtful or fearful will ensure your readers feel the same things; probably not your goal. Here are 10 tips for making your writing come alive on the page. I had an Aha moment recently while re-reading my first book, published in 2012. I could feel the passion in many chapters, but when I read a few of them out loud I was left with a kind of “so what?” feeling. Two things helped me re-write those sections over again, smile, and even laugh with delight over them. I read them out loud to myself and the ladies in my book mastermind. And I conjured up the feeling I wanted my readers to feel when I wrote the words. These two simple action steps will completely transform your writing. So there’s two parts to making your writing come alive; feeling and vibration. And aside from some basic but badass writing tips, these two things will by far create the energy you’re hoping for when your readers read your words. Your words have the power to heal. You just have to understand how to wield that power while you write. Totally goes for speaking too by the way. So let’s get to this! 10 Tips for Making Your Writing Come Alive Enjoy these 10 Tips for Making Your Writing Come Alive, and then make sure to email me with your questions, comments or struggles! 1. Feel something. Anything, really. But make sure it’s what you’re hoping your reader feels when they read it. If you’re tired, bored or afraid, they won’t like it…guess what they’ll feel? Yep, the same. Practice some body awareness meditation and really conjure up what you’re hoping they’ll feel. 2. Read it out loud. There’s no more powerful editing technique. Seriously, do it. And then let me know how it goes. Putting the vibration of your voice to your words will instantly help you realize where they need more help. 3. Write like you talk. A conversational tone will really help your writing. So instead of robotic language like “You are a badass,” try “You’re a badass!” Use the contractions. 4. Put the power up front. Don’t take a long time to get to the good stuff. We’re busy. We’re distracted. Put the powerful punch up front and make us want to read the rest because we’re hooked! 5. Give me eye candy. Seriously, my 51-year-old eyes beg you. Make your words easy for me to read. That means font, spacing, subheadings, bullet lists; anything that helps me move my eyes down the page. 6. Give me dialogue! “God I love a good conversation,” my coach said. “Me too!” I shouted. “I wish people would get how powerful it is!” Show us instead of tell us, with dialogue! 7. Set the scene. When you help us feel the pink, baby-soft sand sifting through our bare toes while we walk the beach at sunrise with a warm cup of coffee melded to our palm and the gentle ocean waves rolling in, well…you get it, right? Help us touch, taste, smell, hear and see. 8. Be you. Please don’t write what you think I want to hear. Just be you; completely and unapologetically. I like you. I want you. I need you. Because you being you gives me permission to be me. And I desperately want to be me. 9. Title it clearly. Clear not clever y’all. If I don’t know what it’s about and it’s not clear to me that it’s for me, I’ll keep scrolling. Save the clever, funny stuff for inside the piece, after you’ve hooked me with something I know I want to read. 10. Tell me something new. Your perspective is why I’ll read a topic I’ve already read a thousand times. What makes this new? What makes you you? Tell me how you’ve done this. Give me an idea about your unique perspective. It’s all been written before. So write it with your own twist and style. These ten tips will super-boost your writing as you practice. Remember, your story matters. Be brave this year and start to write it out loud for others to read! You just don’t know who needs to read it and how it will change or save their life. I’m here for coaching, more tips, intuitive writing strategy, publishing your blogs and books, and more. Reach out today
The Secrets to Writing Words Your Clients Can’t Wait to Read By Laura Di Franco
Laura Di Franco, MPT can help you have fun with fear and write, speak and share words that leave the legacy you were born for. Time to be brave! www.BraveHealer.com or email Laura at bewarriorlove@gmail.com
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Be Grateful for Your Future Clients A Monthly Manifesting Clients Tip By Kathryn Yarborough
It’s impossible to feel bad and grateful at the same time. Try it. Think about something you’re truly grateful for in this moment and notice how you feel. For example, are you grateful for the blue sky? Your health? Someone you care about? How do you feel when you think about what you’re grateful for? Good... right? If you’re an entrepreneur, coach, or healing arts practitioner, when you’re grateful for your future clients three things happen: 1. Your mood improves. 2. You imagine having wonderful clients. 3. You activate the Law of Attraction and become magnetic to your future clients. How to Practice Being Grateful for Future Clients To practice being grateful for your future clients, give thanks to the Universe (or your Higher Power) for bringing your future clients to you, for the wonderful experience of working with them, for sending you people who pay you for your services, or something else that feels even better to you. For example, I like to say, “Thank you God, Guides, All-That-Is for the wonderful clients who are in a committed, long-term package with me.” When I say this and I really see those folks (in my mind) participating in my Manifesting Clients Classes, my mood improves! I feel loving towards them. I feel happy because I have great clients who I get to work with and I’m being paid to do it. It feels awesome! Imagine Having Wonderful Future Clients If you don’t currently have many clients, it might feel challenging to be grateful for future clients. If that’s the case, use your imagination! Shake off reality and imagine a future with wonderful clients. If you’re doing private sessions with them, see the room you’re in as you do these sessions. Imagine working with one person after the other. If you’re teaching classes, see the class in your mind filled with great clients. Notice how this feels. (You can use my New Story process to help you do this. To learn how, go to my website and get my free video training.) As you see them in your mind, feel the good feelings of working with your clients, spending time with them, getting to know them, and making a difference in their lives. And then give thanks! Be Magnetic to Your Future Clients When you imagine having future clients AND feeling good about it, you become magnetic to them. Your potential clients will become aware of you. You’ll start to show up on their radar via social media, networking, or other marketing you do. And they’ll be intrigued. You still have to put yourself out there, but when you’re grateful for your future ideal clients, they’ll sense you, see you, and sign up to work with you!
Kathryn Yarborough is the creator and director of the Manifesting Clients Academy. She teaches heart-based, on purpose entrepreneurs to manifest clients by intentionally writing the story they tell themselves. To start writing your new story, get her free “New Story Worksheet” at www.ManifestingClientsAcademy.com/freegift.
Your Ego: Seeks to protect you from harm – real or imagined Calls you to do what is safe Seeks to confirm itself by puffing your self up into a sense of being better than others OR it will deflate you through a sense of being less than Tosses up arguments and barriers to risks and challenges Distracts you with entertaining time-wasters Your ego calls you to smallness.
If you haven’t read Part I of this article in the March issue of On Purpose Woman Magazine, you can do that here: www.OnPurposeWomanMagazine.com In that article, I talked about knowing what is yours to do and letting go of the rest. I had you make two lists. One list is what is yours to do, and the other list is what is not yours to do. You’ll get more value from this article if you do that first. How do you do more of what is yours to do and less of what isn’t yours to do? When you see a need, get asked to give of your time, or are presented with a new business opportunity, there are two ways you can respond: from your ego or from your soul. Look over your list of what is yours to do and what isn’t yours to do and note which ones come from your soul. Do those things. It’s time to pay full attention to what your soul is telling you. At the November 3rd Be On Purpose Day for Women Entrepreneurs, I shared a list of "Traits of an On Purpose Woman." Each month I'll share my perspective on a different trait.
Ginny Robertson is the Founder of the On Purpose Woman Community, a global movement that connects women around the world to their gifts, their purpose and each other. She is also a speaker and the Publisher/Editor of On Purpose Woman Magazine.
An On Purpose Woman… Knows What Is Hers to Do Part II by Ginny Robertson
Your Soul: Reminds you and reminds you and reminds you that you came here with unique gifts and talents to share with the world Orchestrates situations and circumstances to bring you back to being on target with your true role Encourages you Calls you to set aside distractions and get moving Seeks for you to be in service to others Your soul calls you to play large and to claim your greatness. It is your soul that screams “do what is yours to do.”
On Purpose Woman Magazine is for women and by women. I am proud to be a part of it. Our voices matter. Our businesses matter. Our leadership matters. And what we care about matters. Thank you for your part. This magazine exists because of women like you who read it, write for it, advertise in it, contribute in any way to it, and share it with their friends. Kathryn Yarborough, Creative Director
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